We can't always get it right, but we should try.

I knew from the start that having children was not going to be easy.  I knew that I would mess them up somehow.  I knew that I was not perfect and that I was going to make mistakes.  We should all know this when we consider becoming parents.

What made me think about this recently was an article about creating a positive work ethic in children.  The article discussed the importance of starting at a young age, giving children age appropriate chores around the house.  The benefits, in short, were listed out as children getting used to a more positive and interactive routine, not being as "fussy" when things don't go their way, learning to work hard at whatever they do.

I began to consider the chores that I routinely give my own children...  This is even shorter.  I don't.  I fall short when it comes to anything ROUTINE at my house because...  well....  I am not used to it...  I want to say that mine and my wife's jobs have us getting home late, and with homework, dinner, etc.  that we don't have time.  I hate excuses.  especially my own...

So, the question arises, what to do about this new found sense of "failure" (lack of a better word)?

When I first read the article, I began thinking about how we typically just go on autopilot during the week and don't intentionally focus on anything other than necessities.  That is the keyword "intentionally".  No child can be expected to do anything intentionally that he/she was not taught or shown intentionally.  

I have seen parents act powerless when their children did not complete chores, when the children had been raised with the unintentional option to not complete the chores.  

(while this is a different issue, I will come back to this at the end!)  

Children need to be raised with the knowledge that chores are a part of life and are a necessity to maintaining a household and growing into a mature adult.  If your children do not have chores in their life, they may be learning that they get to decide what and when they get to do things, and that they don't have to focus on remembering anything.  Yes, this may help with remembering homework also.  

Keep in mind:  This is not a conversation you can have and your children learn work ethic.  Work ethic has to be learned by doing.

If you are one of those parents struggling with getting your children to complete chores, give us a call.  We can help.  

If you are one of the parents, like me, that realized that your children need regular chores in the first place, we can help with that also.

Semi random thoughts about coming to see me.

During a session recently, I was told that I was "weird".  Through the smiles and laughter, I was told that I was fun and different than what they thought a counselor would be like.  When asked what this person expected, they said they thought I'd be an old guy, with a suit, no smile, and overly serious.  I got so much information out of that session, and the person told their parent that they wanted to come back and talk again.  

I'll be honest.  I always thought I'd focus on adults when I went back to school to be a counselor.  After 3 different jobs that focused my attention on children and adolescents, I have to say that I now feel a little differently.  I now love talking with children and teenagers to see what they want and how they plan to get it.  We brainstorm, often over an activity, to see what options they have and how to get their parents on board.  Sometimes, the focus is getting the parents and children on the same page.  Other times, it is working with the parents, to help them know how to interact and communicate with their children more effectively.  

Adults get the same treatment.  I talk with people.  I let them teach me their life and perspective.  I let them describe what they see, think, and feel.  Even when I am not in my office, I have people that tell me about their lives.  Everybody has a story to tell.  

Telling your story is one of the first steps.  I would dare say that you have to set up the context of the situation first, before you know what you can/want to change.  After that, it is a matter of working out specific steps to reach those goals and the "traps" that can stop you.  As a third party observer, I can help you see what helps or hinders your pursuit of your goals.  

The technical side of getting together is pretty cool, I think.  I set people up by phone, but you can also go the the tab on my website that says "schedule an appointment".  This will take you to a secure site with a calendar.  You sign in, decide the day and whether you want an a.m or p.m. appointment,  My site will then notify me that you want a meeting.  

When you first enter my office, you are greeted by a wonderful front desk staff that ask you if you want anything to drink.  Several people have stated how relaxing it is to have a warm drink (coffee, latte, tea, hot chocolate) while they talk.  For me, it seems to ease the tension and "starch" feeling that medical type offices often have.  

You never really know what your missing until you visit.  Come by and see me.  I would love to talk with you.