It's not what you know, but who you know.

The title makes an important point.  Education and knowledge is important, I am definitely not debating that point.  In fact, the reason support and connections is important is to fill in those gaps of knowledge.  I can tell you honestly that I would not be where I am today without the help and support from different people I have met.  Family has obviously been with me the longest, but friends have been just as important.

Many of you reading this will probably be saying, "I know this already".  It all sounds good, like something you would see in a greeting card, but let's look deeper than the cliche "no man is an island".

I am trained in the field of counseling.  There is no business education included in that degree.  I was told the importance of "selling" myself and networking, but there was little practical information given on how to do that.  I had to rely on my real life experience and people I met along the way to teach me what I needed to learn on the business side.  I tell you this to illustrate how open and humble I had to become in order to ask for help.  I didn't want to ask, at first.  I wondered how it would come across. Like many others, I found myself having thoughts that perpetuated the problem.

1.       I felt helpless

2.       I felt hopeless

Helplessness is the feeling that you are alone.  No one is able or willing to help.  No one understands.  This is one of the biggest lies we believe.  This causes isolation, sometimes emotionally, sometimes physically.  In session, when the subject of support comes up, I am often told that no one understands or cares.  I will tell you that I have been through this feeling myself.  It's a terrible feeling to feel alone, weak, and unimportant.  But as I said before, this feeling is a lie.  We tell ourselves this because it seems easier than chancing someone else telling us.  There are people that don't understand.  That is okay.  There are people that don't care.  That is okay, too.  But don't let yourself think that NO ONE understands or cares.  Give people a chance and search out the support that is so vital to progress.

Hopelessness is the second condition that we get into that exacerbates the problem.  Hopelessness is the feeling that nothing will change, no matter what happens.  This feeling intensifies when accompanied by helplessness.  It can also worsen with time.

Yes, I am saying not all wounds heal with time.

Hopelessness also makes us want to isolate ourselves, because if something won't change, why talk about it.  Both of these thoughts keep us from addressing the problem and asking for help.  This is why connections are important.  Sometimes, it takes someone challenging these thoughts, in order to help break through and move forward.

 I'll never forget when I first told my wife that I wanted to go into private practice.   She said, "are you sure you can do that".  She went on to remind me that I had been trained in counseling, but not in business.  That is when I began seeking out the connections that I would need.  Fast forward to the present.  I have learned a lot about business, and from friends that I can still contact if/when I need more advice or support.

This is the take away point:

These relationships didn't just happen.  I talked to several people before making the current connections that I now value so much.  I had to break through the slump of talking to people that didn't understand or didn't care.  I didn't give up.  I now encourage you to do the same.  If you have something in your life that your having difficulty dealing with, search out the help you need.  Don't believe that everyone is the same, that no one cares or understands.  If I can help, let me know, even if it is just prayer.

Thank you for reading.

Vacation is over and I have 2 take home points.

My family and I have been home from our vacation in Myrtle Beach, SC for 2 weeks now.  After a week at the beach, we stopped off in North Carolina to see some good friends for the night before returning home.  Having been to Myrtle Beach before, we didn't feel rushed to "see the sites and spent a lot of time swimming in the pool and hanging out at the cabin.

This is a picture of where we stayed...  13 people under 1 roof...

We all had a great time and the location is beautiful.

 

Looking back over that week, there are a couple main points that I realized are important.  First, it's important to allow yourself to relax, no matter how much you do or do not feel you "deserve" it.  Second, you should keep in touch with family, don't let comments or distance come between you.
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I didn't feel like I deserved a vacation at the first of the week.  I had spent the past month setting up my new office and had not seen a lot of people.  My thought was "why do I need a vacation, I haven't done any work".  At the time, I wasn't thinking about the work that it took to set up the office.  I was only looking at face-to-face time.  I initially went to help watch the kids and allow my wife to relax, I knew I couldn't stay at home and make her take the kids on that 12 hour car ride by herself.  I soon realized how much time and energy I had spent planning for the business, making calls, driving to meetings, etc.  That is where my need for vacation came from, I was mentally and emotionally exhausted.  I didn't want to admit it, but my wife soon convinced me that I needed the vacation as much as she needed a vacation.

The take home point to this is "vacation is as much a mental and emotional break as it is a physical break".  I was able to put my phone down and not worry about checking it, not worry about making calls or marketing.  To be honest, it was the first vacation in many years that I did not, at least in some part, think about work or what I had waiting for me when I got back.  This is what a vacation should be - the absolute separation from an average day.

The second point is family related.  Keep in touch with family.  I have 2 brothers, I do not believe they would mind me saying so, but as most siblings, there were times we did not get along.  Life is different now,  Obviously, we no longer live under the same roof.  They both live in South Carolina, while I live in Mississippi.  There are not a lot of opportunities to get together.  I must admit, I don't call as often as I could, and am sometimes late calling for birthdays...  Sorry, Tim.  But as most will agree, life gets in the way.  That is not an excuse, it is a fact.  A person has to be intentional in any type of relationship, especially when there is a lot of distance between the 2 people.  Plan it, put it in your calendar, do something to help you remember and prioritize time to talk and/or get together.  Trust me, there are a lot of people that would love to be able to talk to loved ones, but don't have the ability or opportunity.  This was evident to me over vacation because there were a lot of conversations about "catching up" on what all had been going on in each family's lives.  I realized how much I had been missing in my brothers' lives and in their family's lives.  Don't make that mistake...

Now, as I stated, my brothers and I did not always get along.  That is not what has come between us though, it is the distance.  But, I do know some families that live close, but still don't talk because of some comments that were made.  For those reading that have come to see me, you will remember that I talk about intent vs. impact, and filters.  Basically, we all have "filters" that influence how we act.  We have to make sure that our intended meaning has the impact that we want it to have.  "But you don't know this person", you might be saying.  That's right, I probably don't.  There are people that are not very nice and you do better not to talk to them, but that is where the family boundaries should be developed.  The boundaries make it possible to have a relationship.  The boundaries make it possible to have a relationship without the negative effects.  Yes, there are exceptions and I will be glad to discuss them if you have a difficult friend or family member.  Give me a call...

Don't lose touch with family over something that can be remedied like hurt feelings or long distance.